Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I, Anonymous

prose poem

To all the guys who come into the porn shop and hit on the surprisingly young cute girl working behind the counter: Fucking stop it. For eight hours a day, I sit in a room of T&A watching myself progressively lose more and more of whatever it was I liked about porn in the first place. On top of that, I have to deal with the scum of Portland, who, one after another, ask me for a date, phone number, blowjob, WHATEVER. I'm tired of putting up with you people. For godsakes, I have the only pair of clothed tits in the entire room, yet they're all you can seem to stare at. The only 'services' I provide are giving you change so you can jack off in the arcade, and if you were smart, you'd put some of that change in the tip jar. Now eat me. --Anonymous

3 part play on mosquitos

edge-of-the-world: "it's a maelstrom of mosquitoes up hee-yah in Maine, ayuh"

survivalist: "I remember Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes (and 100,000 swamps). But one of the good things about the chronic Ozark summer dry spells... no skeeters. Altho- I'm waitin on rain today; I'll havta irrigate if it dont.

Mr. Hardenburg the NERD: its been a real slow year here for skeeters too. not many flies either. except in my apartment, of course. ... going to take the freakin garbage out ...

Saturday, August 13, 2005


place your hand over mine thrice
and meet with me after this life.

can you translate that into latin?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Last Night I Went Walking ...

by the Handsome Family

last night I went out walking
out on the edge of town
not going no place special
only wandering around

I came upon a river
I thought about what you said
and couldn't stop it flowing
and running through my head

Monday, July 18, 2005

Halfway to a Threeway

by Jim O'Rourke

Now with you, I've got one
If I could get just one more
Then you'd know what you're in for
You ain't getting any sleep tonight
I hope that you girls don't fight
And I hope that you don't run away
Cause I'm halfway to a threeway

I tried again and again
To indulge in just one sin
All you have to do is lie there
While I push aside your wheelchair
And I'd do anything it takes
To change your mind and then lock your brakes
So I know that you can't roll away
Cause I'm halfway to a threeway

Can't wipe the smile off my face
When you strut by in your leg brace
You can't just climb the stairs
And you ain't got any hair
I just can't get you to sit
You and your stupid epileptic fits
And I know that you can't run away
Cause I'm halfway to a three way

(pretty guitar solo)

As I lay you down on my bed
It don't matter that you're brain dead
I can get so close to you
Now that you're in a coma
I'll make it sweet for sure
When I pull on your life support
And I know that you just fade away
And I'm halfway to a threeway

Jim O'Rourke, Halfway to a Threeway

Sunday, May 29, 2005

A Woman's Poem

by unknown
c. 2005

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Justice Day

by Jim

You're the boot.
Stomping on the human face forever.
You're the eye.
Staring down on everyone and ever seeing all.
You're the lie.
Twisting all our minds into your whoredom.

You are Death.
You are war.
You are slavery.
You're the law.
You're the law.
You're the law!

When laws spew like vomit from power-drunk tongues
And freedom's a lie that the old tell the young
Then out of the darkness,
The rebels arise
And on that day the Outlaw, the Outlaw will ride.

When spies and lies choke out the spirit of life
And authority scrapes like a rusted dull knife
Then out of despair
The heros will soar.
On that day the Outlaw, the Outlaw is born.

When "for your own good" is a lock and a chain
And "security's” used to enslave hearts and brains
Then out of our bondage
Rebellion will fly.
On that day, the Outlaw, the Outlaw will ride.

Breakdown, breakdown.
Fire in the mind.
Freedom on the firing line.

When criminals, criminals make all the laws
Then anyone breaking them fights a just cause.
So don't obey leaders
And don't follow rules
And the Outlaws, the Outlaws are saviors, not fools.

So crush their damned spycams, rip open your cage
Let liberty loose with a howl of wild rage
Each tyrant you smash
Is a freedom you've won
And the Outlaws -- we Outlaws – put power on the run.

(Repeat chorus to fadeout)


i'm old. they are trying to put me in prison for the rest of my life. it's up to you young guys, as it always has been. what the fuck happened to people having some balls in this country?

Friday, May 13, 2005

nikhil parekh

this is linked to Nikhil Parekh the internet poet. here are two selected stanzas from the site:

A true doctor is the one who never forgets to treat
people suffering from bizarre affliction beside him;
applies the ointment of his love on several bruises
oozing blood and pain; even in times when the same
patients he had treated before were planning to kill
him; poison the milk he gulped for morning breakfast,

A true ocean is the one who never forgets its colossal
waters; the gigantically swirling waves it generated
since times immemorial; even in times when its body
shrunk to a mere trickle; the tyranny of pugnacious
heat had sucked its frothy spray away,

Wilde Derivations

by Andy
Hooray for Randall,
The poesie vandall,
More gay than glad,
And passing sad,
His poetry is so fucking awful that it makes mine look not-half-bad!


by vigilius haufniensis
my asslove for vera grows and grows
but she wont take the dick in that particular hole
i beg and i plead and i offer my love
i promise the dick will fit like a glove
"just in the pussy! and just in the mouth!"
"otherwise youre an unforgivable louse."
"ass is for shitting not for the fuck!"
with my romanian girlfriend, im shit out of luck


by vigilius haufniensis
to attack and crusade is henceforth my goal
the conquest of romania, no matter the toll
to attack and crusade and capture my girl
the prettiest gypsy in all the world
she i will conquer and she i will best
then she will love me more than the rest
to make her my girl to love and obey
all of romania will fall one day


by vigilius haufniensis
how to fuck vera, that's the thing
to take her in my arms and give her a ring
and make her my girl with a smile on her face
and perform sexual acts that would bring her disgrace
to fuck and to suck and to kiss and to hug
to be the only american she ever dug
to fill her pussie with love and spermatazoa
for all this and more, to romania i will go-a


by vigilius haufniensis
pussie cat pussie cat, vera b.
come to america, here with me
to kiss and to hug and to be vmann's girl
forget all the nonsense in the communist world
embrace the american way of life
free yourself from all that romanian strife
so come to america and take many dicks
and give american pussies plenty of licks
you can be my girlfriend and ill be your man
ill make you forget about the globalist plan


by vigilius haufniensis
my romanian girlfriend tried and true
taking the dick is something she would never do
to fuck and to suck is not her bag
unless the dick belongs to a fag
she loves the impotents of milano and bucharest
but those with erections she always detests
to not take the dick is her lifelong goal
but i swear i will have her with my american flag pole


by vigilius haufniensis
romanian pussie cat vera b.
in my arms is where she should be
to sit on me lap and envelop my dick
to hold me tight and kiss on the lips